The Amazing Shemozzle

Amazing Race, Season 22, Episode 3

By Jim Memmott

New Zealand – No white smoke. No sequester deal. No end to The Amazing Race.

Yes, aping the real world, last night’s installment of the Race kicked the can down the road.

The episode started in French Polynesia and went on to New Zealand. All was well. There was airport confusion; there was scenery and suspense and some strange initiation rite that involved tar and feathering except they didn't use tar. 

Then the can was kicked.

“The race is still going; here’s your next clue,” New Zealand-born host Phil Keoghan told Dave and Connor, the plucky father-and-son duo who had crossed the line first despite the fact that Dave is on crutches. The words "To Be Continued" flashed on the screen. 

Thus, confusion reigns throughout the world. 

We don't know know if the cardinals in Rome will pick a younger guy, someone in his mid-70s. 

We don't know if there will be enough IRS examiners to check our tax filings. (Wait a minute, will that be bad?) 

We don't know if Dave will race on, ignoring his torn Achilles, the injury he picked up at the end of the previous episode. 

We do know that no duos were eliminated and nine teams still remain, some doing better than others.

And we also know that:

Max and Katie, the newlyweds from Buffalo may have relationship issues. He attributes it to the fact that he’s a “hot-blooded Italian” and she’s a “cold-blooded German.”

That’s probably true, but he’s also a terrible driver (see the Rev-It-Up challenge in which racers had to stick-shift an old car through a slalom course) and a terrible listener. She has a doctorate in pharmacy, which could help down the road; you never know. Though her bio reveals she’s a former Buffalo Jill, which probably won’t help.

Bates and Anthony Battaglia, the hockey brothers, and Caroline and Jennifer, the country singers, are redefining the term “alliance.”  Yes, their eyes may not be on the prize; rather they may be on each other.

Jessica and John, who have already formed a bewildering number of alliances with other teams, continue to scheme and smirk, so much so that one of the hockey guys declared them the “shadiest team in this whole thing.”

Even when they did the right thing and finally gave Dave and Cameron the express pass as promised, Jessica and John did it because Dave and Cameron are no longer a threat, given Dave’s bum leg.

Niagara Falls

Chuck and Wynona are not well-traveled. “We’re from Alabama. The furthest place we’ve been out of the country is probably Niagara Falls,” she said, presumably meaning she made it to the Canadian side. Then again, they sure can fish, quickly catching two big ones in a Detour the other teams avoided.

As Phil signed off, most of the teams were back on the course, many just having finished the Shemozzle Race, a Road Block that involved getting coated with molasses and feathers and then plunging into a manure pond, all the while carrying eggs.

Eating a huhu bug

Though, to be fair, it was a pretty tame shemozzle. The annual Hunterville (N.Z.) Huntaway Festival shemozzle has, according to this year's website asked competitors to swallow raw eggs and wash down huhu bugs (beetles?) with warm beer and cold cooking oil.

So there we are. There is no pope. The sequester endures. The race goes on. Shemozzle that.

Overheard:

Dave: It’s not over ‘til it’s over. We’re not quitters. We’ll just wait to see what happens.

Jennifer: We’re moving in the right direction, which is down.

Caroline: I would have said up.

Winnie:  Today we are going to strategize and think before we react.

Katie (to Max): Who would have thought you’re the albatross in this; the girl is doing better than the guy.

Wynona: Come on fishy, fishy.

Jennifer: My grandpa is John Wayne, and they called him Duke.