Payback time in the desert

By Jim Memmott

Amazing Race, Season 23, Episode 8

Abu Dhabi – There was sand, lots of sand. There were camels, pretty camels. There was the world’s longest man-made rapids  (yes, right there in the desert). And there was revenge, strange revenge.

First, the revenge. We’re not talking Hamlet or House of Cards. Think junior high cafeteria.

At one table there’s Nicole and Travis, honor students, Quidditch team captains, co-valedictorians. At another table, there’s Leo and Jamal, wise guys, class clowns, Afghanimals.

Wouldn’t you know it, about 100 years ago the Animals fibbed about U-Turning the hippies, Brandon and Adam.

It was totally unnecessary and totally inconsequential, but it irked Nicole and Travis. “The fact that they would just look us in our face and just lie to us,” Nicole said, still steamed.

Nicole and Travis

Thus they took revenge in this episode by U-Turning the Animals, forcing them to do an extra challenge. Take that you goof balls.

Think again, nerds. The Animals still finished fourth, and, lessons unlearned, told at least one other unnecessary lie on their way to the finish. (To Nicky and Kim, the baseball wives, to no consequence whatsoever.)

Nerds or not, Nicole and Travis, married ER doctors, finished first, each getting a Ford of his her/choice, as long as it has eco-boost (which is?)

Jason and Amy, dating New Englanders, were right behind them, finishing second for the fifth time. Along the way, she revealed that she was both Miss Rhode Island USA and Miss Rhode Island Teen USA, a bit of background that would serve her well in the “Beauty Contest” Detour.

Amy Diaz Miss Rhode Island USA

Maybe not. The contest involved selecting and spiffing up the cutest camel, one of those Amazing Race challenges that seemed odd, subjective and, finally, not that hard.

Though one camel did kick Tim, the acid-tongued Marie’s race partner. He took the shot in good humor: “I just got kicked in the shin by a camel. Scratch it off my bucket list and move on.”

Marie and Tim came in third, along the way U-Turning baseball wives Nicky and Kim. Marie said she was punishing the wives for what she called “that little stunt at the airport.”

Nicky and Kim

Upon further review, however, the game film from Episode 3 shows that what Marie remembers as a “little stunt” was just the wives standing their ground and keeping a reservation they had gotten fair and square.

“I think Tim and Marie U-Turned us because they’re mean,” Kim concluded, getting at the truth.

Even if they hadn’t been hit with a U-Turn, Nicky and Kim probably would still have finished last and been eliminated, which they were. (Gone, too, are their Pool sponsors, Team Bushnell.)

The wives declared themselves Ninjas, casting off the Bunnies label, but the rebranding didn't work.  Their dune buggy got stuck in the sand. And they had to complete a surprisingly difficult (if you couldn’t swim) Speed Bump, as penance for finishing last in the previous non-elimination leg.

Ashley and Ally, the LA Ice Crew members, survived, though at times they seemed to be flirting

Ally and Ashley

with elimination, at one point getting lost because one of them can’t drive and the other can’t read maps. (Switch seats!)

They may still be flirting with the Afghanimals, as well, as host Phil Keoghan suggested at the end of the episode. 

That romance could finish soon, however, as the form sheet tells us that Ashley and Ally are the remaining team most likely to fail. They’ve never finished higher than fifth in any episode and have the worst record of any of the five remaining teams.

But wouldn’t it be nice if they rallied and showed up the kids at the Quidditch table? Stay tuned.

Overheard:

Tim (to Marie): I’ll drive. Promise you’re not going to yell at me.

Nicky: We’re not Bunnies, we’re Ninjas.

Ashley: All those years at Pismo Dunes paid off.

Amy: When you go left four times, you’re back to where you started.

Ally: I’m really good on hair and makeup.

Jason: Hopefully, Phil is there waiting for us with a cold beer.

Nicky: I don’t like being a Ninja.

Kim: Maybe we can go back to being Bunnies.

Order of Finish:

1) Nicole and Travis

2) Jason and Amy

3) Tim and Marie

4) Leo and Jamal

5) Ally and Ashley

6) Nicky and Kim

Overall:

 (The lower the number of points from each episode, the better. First place earns one point, seventh gets seven, etc.)

1) Nicole and Travis (17 points)

2) Amy and Jason (28 points)

3) Jamal and Leo (33 points)

4) Marie and Tim (34 points)

5) Ally and Ashley (51 points)