The evil that twins do ...

By Jim Memmott

Amazing Race, Season 24, Episode 1

Los Angeles/Guangzhou – Crime doesn’t pay. You’ve heard it before,

but the truth of that bromide was underscored in the opener of what looks to be a crackerjack Amazing Race season.

What crime you ask?

Well, Mark Memmott, of NPR’s The Two-Way blog and also one-third of this pool’s Team Beltway, recalls that Natalie and Nadiya Anderson light-fingered another race team’s $100 back, oh, so long ago, on Season 21.

Natalie and Nadiya

“Karma, it was karma,” Mark said after this episode, one that saw the Anderson twins eliminated on the first leg of this All-Start season featuring competitors from previous races.

Yes, Natalie and Nadiya proved to be the most inept of the 11 all-star duos back for another crack at the $1 million prize that awaits the winner at the end of a long, long road.

The sisters were totally lost on Beijing’s Street of Wedding Dresses as they searched for the right shop and the right clue. They were all in a spin about 10 miles atop the Canton tower as they argued and argued about which bubble to ride. And they were  screechy and squawky and just plain bad throughout. Go home. Payback. Big time.

But, wait a minute, this report is going too fast.

Back at the beginning of the episode there were more tears, more angst, more pain than at the end of any Race episode ever.

Why? Well, say it ain't so, the team of Kentucky guys Bopper and Mark was broken up before the UCLA marching band got the racers on their way.

Bopper and Mark

The Amazing Race doctor (yes, there is an Amazing Race doctor) declared Bopper unfit to compete, his inflamed pancreas rendering travel too risky.

Cue the tears. Mark’s tears that is. Broken up that his pal couldn’t be on the race, he wailed a bit as he brooded on Race host Phil Koeghan’s offer that they bring in another former Amazing Racer to take Bopper’s place.

“This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make,” said the weepy Mark, as he weighed the option of competing for a cool million or going home with no money at all.

Eventually his head overruled his heart and he got to meet his new partner.

Enter smiling, Mallory Ervin, the former Miss Kentucky who competed on Seasons 17 and 18 (the first season, by the way, for the race to visit Liechtenstein) with her dad, Gary.

Gary and Mallory

“I don’t even know his last name,” Mallory said of her new partner. “Mark, what is your last name?

Sticking with the no-last-names practice on the show, Mark did not reply. (You can look it up. He’s Mark Jackson.)

What of the rest of the episode?

Well, the Cowboy brothers Jet and Cord McCoy finished first, winning an Express Pass for themselves – it lets them skip a challenge sometime down the line – and one for another team. They seem the same as always, cheerful, twangy, sometimes in need of subtitles.

Jet and Cord

Brendon and Rachel, now married, finished second, disappointing their fans (are there any?) by not fighting.

Indeed, she seemed positively chipper, no wailing, no blaming, nothing. NPR’s Memmott says that her true colors will show later. Let’s hope so.

Other duos seemed the same as they always were:

The Afghanimals are still rogues;

Luke, who let his mom Margie, take on the death-defying high-altitude twirl, is still excitable;

Flight Time and Big Easy, of Globetrotters fame, are still a lot of fun;

Joey and Meghan

YouTubers Meghan and Joe are hip and goofy;

And Dave and Connor, the father and son duo bad-ankeled out of Season 22, remain earnest and likeable and, gee, wouldn’t be fun if they argued with each other, just once?

There were some minor changes:

John and Jennifer, famously eliminated on Season 22 because he refused to play an express pass, survived but didn't win an express pass this time. (Indeed, Jennifer said that was just as well.)

And Caroline and Jennifer, country music artists, said they won’t be distracted by men as they were on Season 22 by those flirtatious Battaglia brothers.

All of this is subject to change, which, of course, is half the fun.

Overheard:

Connor: We’re going to show them what an old man and young kid can do.

Leo: This time around the creativity is going up a notch.

Mallory: I ain’t never seen nobody love the race better than Bopper and my dad.

Joey (sorting bridal dresses): I can’t find my size. What is this? I can’t find my color.

Cord: Oh my gravy.

Mallory: It’s still about two people who are trying to make it around the world

Oder of finish: 

1) Cord and Jet

2) Brendon and Rachel

3) Dave and Connor

4) Margie and Luke

5) Leo and Jamal

6) Mark and Mallory

7) Flight Time and Big Easy

8) Jessica and John

9) Caroline and Jennifer

10) Joey and Meghan

11) Nadiya and Natalie