Zen and the Art of a Megaleg Amazing Race

The Amazing Race

 

Season 34, Episode 3 (first half)

 

By Jim Memmott

 

Bologna, Italy – Hold your horses.

 

No one won; no one lost. To the disappointment of those who love closure, Episode 3 was the first hour of a two-hour Megaleg.

 

Two detours, two roadblocks, two cities, the first hour in Bologna (this week), the second in Florence (next week.)

 

Not that nothing was learned.

As always, the Race drove home this point: Manual transmissions aren't for the faint of heart.

 

This week, Luis Colon couldn’t find reverse. His wife, Michelle Burgos, (both right) had to push the car backwards to get out of a jam.

 

Once again, we also learned that reading the clue is important. Newlyweds Glenda and Lumumba Roberts speed-read a clue, missing the instruction to drive to the next spot. They set out on foot; valuable time was lost

 

Bad performances do made for good theater.

 

For the second week in a row, Claire Rehfuss (left with Derek Xiao) stole the show by screwing up. Last week, she couldn’t yodel. This week, she couldn’t put together a motorcycle, in part because she didn’t understand how to work a ratchet wrench.

 

And though they had a rough outing, Glenda and Lumumba got lots of screen time. To their credit, they seem genuinely upbeat, at times even amused by the troubles they cause themselves.

 

Motivational speakers Dom Jones and Rich Kuo had a bumpy ride.

 

He couldn’t handle the stick shift; and I don't think he's read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance." As he struggled, Dom soothed him with kind words: "It's just an object," she said of the car. "Objects can be manipulated."

And Sharik Atkinson's performance sufferered because she got sleepy during the anatomy lecture. So did I;

There were good performances, as well.

 

The military brothers, Marcus and Michael Craig had a strong outing, as did sisters Emily Bushnell and Molly Sinert, with Emily

doing a whizbang job of Ducati assembly. A single mom, she’s put together furniture from Ikea. The bike was a breeze.

 

The bike was easy for David Hernandez, as well. Why not? He’s a helicopter mechanic who’s building a car in his spare time.

 

A minor quibble: Shouldn’t the racers have ridden the bikes they got up to speed? Just saying.

 

Overheard

 

Glenda Roberts: I’m feeling great about my stick shift driving skills...As soon as I say that, I stall.

 

Luis Colon: I have no idea how to reverse this.

 

Molly Sinert:  We are getting along like we have been sisters our entire life.

 

Glenda: Why are you (Lumumba) stopping to ask someone directions if you know where you’re going?

 

Quinton Peron: I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

 

Luis: Righty tighty; lefty loosey.

 

Emily Bushnell: It (assembling the bike) was kind of easy, so I felt I was doing something wrong.

 

Derek Xiao: Claire has a couple screws loose.

 

Claire Ruhfuss: I definitely had screws loose today.

 

Dom Jones: I’m sending to you energy, honey, strength, balance and focus.

Amazing Race hits the Alps. Yodeling occurs

 The Amazing Race

 

Season 34, Episode 2

 

By Jim Memmott

 

Innsbruck, Austria – First rule for competing on the Amazing Race: Learn to stick shift.

 

Second rule: Learn to read a map.

 

Third rule: Learn to yodel.

 

Actually, I didn’t know about the third rule, but it certainly would

have helped Claire Rehfuss and Derek Zaio. They won the first episode. Then Claire (right) sang them into serious trouble, trying to yodel on an Austrian mountain top.

Former football coach Rex Ryan wasn't in great yodeling form, either, and he had an even harder time on some bell ringing. While Claire and Derek recovered to finish fourth. Rex and his pal Tim Mann never got it going and were eliminated.

The military brothers, Marcus and Michael Craig, took first place, up from sixth the last time. That's Michael on the far left getting yodeling tips. The brothers seem like great guys, but, brothers being brothers, I bet they quarrel down the line. Should be fun.

What about the married lovebirds Glenda and Lumumba Roberts? They were second again. They're doing all of this for the baby they expect to have.

Mild complaint: It was a strangely one-note episode, all three challenges (yodeling, bell ringing and dancing) involving music.

Usually, there's more variety, some nasty food to devour, some fear of heights to overcome.

Along the way in the episode, people did struggle with old-fashioned paper maps. That was fun to watch.

Perhaps if there had been a feat of strength, Rex would have lived to race another day.

Regardless, even though he never won me over when he was coaching the Buffalo Bills, I'm going to miss the Big Guy.

Rex was Amazing Race gold, self-deprecating and fun, especially when he declared himself a new and patient man. Not. He was a standout performer amidst some seem-alikes.

I know. I know. We’ll get to know the other racers, their quirks, their differences, but right now I'm having a hard time sorting everyone out.

 

Second mild complaint: Host Phil Keoghan has eliminated the non-elimination episodes this season.

Maybe it's just me, but I always liked the times when Phil let a last-place couple know that their Race wasn't over. The joy. The tears. The hope.

Were the non-elimination card in his deck, Phil could have given Rex and Tim a reprieve. Then again, Rex seemed OK with the loss. Perhaps he learned that in Buffalo. Whatever.

Overheard

 

Sharik Atkinson: Let’s work smarter not harder.

Sharik: I don’t know how to read a map.

 

Mattie Lynch: The streets kind of bend; they ebb, and they flow.

 

Rex: I’m going to call in the cows, man.

 

Claire: I’m tone deaf. I haven’t been diagnosed.

 

Rex: I thought I was going to kick some ass in yodeling.

 

Dom Jones: I’m a Leo, and the sun ignites me.

 

Claire: My anxiety is high.

 

Tim: Rex is a coach, and he knows how to stay calm.

 

Rex: We should probably have danced.

 

Order of Finish

 

1. Marcus Craig, Michael Craig (Military brothers)

2. Glenda Roberts, Lumumba Roberts (Newlyweds)

3.  Linton Atkinson, Sharik Atkinson (Father/daughter)

4.  Derek Xiao, Claire Rehfuss (Big Brother graduates)

5. Luis Colon, Michelle Burgos (Married couple)

6.  Abby Garrett, Will Freeman (Childhood sweethearts)

7.  Emily Bushnell, Molly Sinert (Long-lost twins)

8.  Aubrey Ares, David Hernandez (Ballroom dancers

9.  Rich Kuo, Dom Jones (Motivational speakers)

10. Quinton Peron, Mattie Lynch (Former LA Rams cheerleaders)

 

Eliminated:

 

11. Tim Mann, Rex Ryan (Golf buddies)