HAIR TODAY, GONE TODAY

The Amazing Race, Episode 10, Season 20, India:

They did Clay County proud.

Clay County 1895

Mark and Bopper, two long-time friends from what the Washington Post once called the unhealthiest county in Kentucky (blame the obesity rate) finally saw their luck run out.

Yes, the only genuinely likeable duo amongst the five remaining teams, started last and finished last in an episode that featured questionable tactical decisions, elephant manure and a fair amount of trash talk.

In a way, they were doomed from the beginning, as Mark was first seen flat out on his hotel bed taking saline solution through an I.V. His problem? The heat stroke, or near heat stroke, he suffered while trying to do a Bollywood dance routine in the previous episode.

Luckily, that was a non-elimination episode – the second the Kentucky boys survived – but this time around there was no reprieve.

Once they got on the road, Bopper and Mark (Team WalkWorth’s duo) faced a Speed Bump, punishment for their showing last time. It required them to paint the belly of a guy who looked like the Cincinnati Begals mascot on acid.

Bengals tiger

 “I’ve been painting on rocks with my little girl,” Bopper explained. “…I have no problem with it other than being on a man’s belly,”

Then Mark and Bopper seemed to make up ground by taking advantage of the Fast Forward – a task that once completed lets a team skip all other challenges and go to the pit stop.

The Fast Forward asked players to get their heads shaved. It was a no-brainer for Mark, who is bald, and Bopper, who didn’t care.

But by the time the guys were shorn, the other teams were far ahead, so Phil Keoghan, the Amazing Race’s deliverer of bad news, had to send Bopper and Mark back to their old Kentucky homes.

Ratings may fall with two pals gone. They were nice to everyone. They never fought. They needed the money.

The other teams are, well, flawed.

Dave and Rachel, the husband-wife duo who picked up their sixth win, one short of the record, are incredibly competent contestants. However, Dave is faultfinder, quick to criticize his wife. On top of that, he may have bribed a ferryboat commander in this episode, thus ensuring a win.

Rachel on Big Brother

Brendon and Rachel, the engaged couple that finished second, have always been problematic, given her tendency to whine.

Whatever viewer points they may have gained in the last few episodes were lost in this when she tearfully elected not to do the head-shaving Fast Forward.

“I don’t want to shave my head,” Rachel, a Big Brother winner,  explained. “I paid $500 for extensions.”

Yes, she risked a chance to win $1 million because of extensions that cost half a grand. “I need hair to be pretty,” Rachel further explained. “I don’t need a big nose and no hair.”

Phil, Chip and Kim

She’s no Kim, as in Chip and Kim, the couple in Season 5 who submitted to hair shaving in what Phil called one “of the most amazing Fast Forwards in Race history.”

Of the other surviving contestants, Ralph and Vanessa, the dating divorcees who finished third on the night, don’t seem to have particularly compelling back stories, and she has been consistently snarky toward Brendon’s Rachel.

The two women did declare a truce at the end of this episode, Vanessa apologizing for saying that Rachel needed a nose job. (Wonder how long that detente will last.)

And, to her credit, Vanessa bounced back from a twisted ankle. She also made one of the most intriguing comments in race history, saying that Ralph was one of her “boy friends who have not cross-dressed.” You go, Ralph.

Then there’s Art and J.J., the wise guy federal agents. They have been consistently critical of the other teams, faulting their tactics and exalting their own.

Elephants dressed up

But they may talk a better game than they play. This time they were  almost undone by a challenge that involved box packing.

They should have done the elephant manure challenge – always go with the big animals – though while they packed ginger, they did channel Dave and Rachel, doing a pretty good imitation of the quarreling couple.

For better or worse, J.J., who cut his “pinky” during the episode, did seem to get in touch with his softer side at the end, breaking into tears when he learned that he and Art had survived.

Nonetheless, looking at the lineup for next week’s two-hour finale, I miss Mark and Bopper. Say it ain’t so, Phil.

Overheard:

Ralph: We’ve always raced as if we were in last place.

Vanessa: Which is typically the case.

Bopper: The sun is shining on two old dogs, and we’re going to make it count.

Dave (to Rachel): I don’t need positive reinforcement now; I appreciate silence.

Blood Sweat & Tears

Art or J.J.: I’m never going to have ginger with my sushi again.

Mark (to Bopper): You don’t look as good as me, but you look good bro; bald is good.

J.J.: I did not cry, I’m sweating.

Art: We’ve got blood, we’ve got sweat, we’ve got tears.

Bopper:  We made one deal before we left (home).  I said, ‘Mark we’re leaving as friends and we’re coming back on home as friends.’

Order of finish

1) Rachel and Dave

2) Brendon and Rachel

3) Vanessa and Ralph

4) Art and J.J

5) Bopper and Mark