MAKING HAY IN AZERBAIJAN

Azerbaijan

The Amazing Race, Episode Six, Season 20, Azerbaijan: Butchering its pronunciation, the seven remaining teams flew to the former Soviet republic on the Caspian Sea, Bopper wondering along the way if they were on their way to Africa.

Once there, they immediately went to the Fire Temple in a suburb of Baku, where they all joined in a conga line with the locals. Then, at sunrise, they picked up a clue that proved to be the decider for the leg, underscoring a constant Amazing Race theme -- Risk taking is punished as often as it's rewarded.

Here's what happened: Rather then go on to the first Road Block, Danny “Fitness” and Joey (Bob’s team) and Dave and Rachel (Team Showers) decided to attempt a Fast Forward.

Why? The first team to finish the Fast Forward challenge could go immediately to the Pit Stop, skipping all the challenges.

Why not? If you’re not first, you have to loop back and try to catch up with the other teams.

Rachel and Dave

As it happened, Dave and Rachel proved adept at the Fast Forward challenge, stacking hay as if they were raised on farms.

Danny and Joey, Long Island natives who seem more urban than rural, vowed that they wouldn't be beaten by a “girl.” They were, Rachel providing most of the muscle for her team.

Thus, Dave and Rachel finished first on the leg, each winning a 2013 Ford Taurus. 

Danny and Joey finished last, Phil telling them that were eliminated.

Bad move, Phil. In their own way, the guys were almost charming, certainly worthy of a non-elmination. And, for sure, it would have been nice to have them around a little longer, if only to see Danny again channel his inner Elton John and don his orange eyewear.

Not risking the Fast Forward, the other five teams went immediately to the Road Block, Mark of Mark and Bopper (Team WalkWorth) barfing in the backseat on his way to an absolutely frightening challenge.

The Road Block required one team member to take on his or her “primal fears” and escape from a submerged and spinning helicopter fuselage. “I don’t think there should be challenges in which people can die,” said Dennis Doell, who was watching the race at pool headquarters.

No one died and the teams then had to pick between two Detours, one involving oil, the other involving apples.

Who knew? Azerbaijan has so much oil that people bathe in it. Some of the racers took on the challenges of scraping oil off a bather, all of whom were hairy. Border patrol agents Art and J.J. (Drew and Emily’s team) seemed especially freaked by the task. “This is so wrong on so many levels,” J.J. explained.

Oil bather

Wrong maybe, hard, maybe not. All the scrapers did well and went on to the pit stop with plenty of time to spare.

The other Detour asked racers to find an apple with a flag in a car full of apples, a classic needle in a haystack test of patience and luck. Joey and Danny seemed to do well at this challenge, almost, but not quite, catching up with Jamie and Nary (Mark’s team).

Thus ended a recrimination-free (some might say dull) episode in which all of the teams were on their best behavior. Rachel of Rachel and Brandon (Team Bushnell) didn’t cry; Art and J.J. didn’t gloat and Ralph and Vanessa (Cindy and Jim) put last week’s squabbling behind them.

There was, for the Race, a far amount of mildly blue talk with references to Vanessa’s “melons” and the oil bathers’ “junk.”  

Nary and Jamie

And there was the suggestion that there could be a romance brewing, as Mark told Nary that Bopper has a “bad crush” on Jamie. I’m hoping for the best on that one, but it could be a star-crossed situation. He thinks he’s gaga for an elementary school teacher, but we all know that Jamie is really a federal agent. Will she tell him? Will he feel deceived? Stay tuned.

Overheard

Ralph: The last leg, obviously, we weren’t very nice to each other.

JJ.  When that drowning feeling comes on you, it’s really frightening.

Dave: I think that’s it; I can smell Phil’s cologne.

Nary: Scrub somebody? That’s kind of gross.

Rachel Reilly:  I don’t think he minds that I’m rubbing him all over.

Order of finish

1) Rachel and Dave

2) Art and J.J.

3) Bopper and Mark

4) Brendon and Rachel

5) Jamie and Nary

6) Vanessa and Ralph

Joey and Danny

7) Joey Fitness and Danny

The Race resumes in two weeks. See you then.