A Shocking Bali Low

Amazing Race, Season 22, Episode 4

By Jim Memmott

Bali, Indonesia – It takes a lot to stun Phil Keoghan, the ever-cool host of the Amazing Race. He’s been there, done it and seen it from Siberia to Singapore, London to Laos, Milan to Minsk.

Phil

But after surfer guy John had misplayed himself and his partner Jessica out of the race in a meltdown for the ages, all Phil could do was spread his arms, look at the camera and say “Oy vey!”

Oy, vey, for sure.

Long and painful story short, J and J, dating Californians, were off their game from the start, at one time even walking into the wrong house and doing a challenge they seemed to make up on the spot.  (Really, they just started building a paper boat or something.)

As they lost time by botching a build-a-fruit pyramid Detour, John became more and more unhinged, analyzing and explaining his every setback as if it were a victory.

All the while, he kept ignoring Jessica’s suggestion that they use the Express Pass they had won by wining the first episode. That would have allowed them to skip a challenge; that would have allowed them to live to race another day.

John could not be diverted, however, even after he staggered to the last Roadblock behind the other competitors.

John at home

He might have snatched victory from defeat, but he kept choosing the wrong surfboard (it was one of those needle in the haystack/memory tests) and there he was in the dark, a flashlight on his head, defeated but muttering on.

“The simple truth is, I don’t need a million dollars,” John told Phil after he and Jessica had been eliminated.

“I think we made a big mistake,” Jessica said, no doubt ready to re-up at Match.com.

Condolences to Allison Chanler, who had put all her money on J and J in what seemed a smart bet after the first episode. Perhaps she has grounds for a lawsuit.

John’s crackup may have overshadowed another triumphant showing by the-father-and-son team of David and Connor.

USA! USA!

Dad is still on crutches and sometimes in a wheelchair because of the tendon tear he got in week two. And yet the gallant duo was first on the episode, just as they were at the end of the last episode. It’s the U.S. versus the Soviet Union in hockey. We’ve got a miracle on ice.

Aside from the ending, it was a fairly true-to-form episode.

The teams flew from New Zealand to Bali and then hustled off to a park where some monkeys cracked clue-containing coconuts, something that didn’t test the racers but did reinforce all of our stereotypes about monkeys. (They spit, they scratch, they, well, you know.)

The challenges were heavy on local color. There were sarongs, scenery and sand, as some teams did well, including Pamela and Winnie who finished second, despite Winnie going walkabout near the end; Max and Katie captured third.

Cool taxidermist

In the middle of the pack, country singers Caroline and Jennifer finally sang, serenading a cabbie.  Near the back of the pack, Chuck, Wynona’s husband and partner, was able to lean upon his skills as a taxidermist to ace that fruit test.

(When is Wynona going to step up to the plate? He’s done four Roadblocks; she’s done one. Doesn’t that have to even out eventually? David has only done one, as well. That may hurt in the end.)

Overheard:

Wynona: There’s a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow,

Pamela: I can’t wait to see the monkeys.

Winnie: He better not poo on our face.

Jennifer (of Caroline):  Her pet squirrel died of loneliness. It was in her bra… That’s a true fact.

Connor: This may be our last leg; we want to go out with a win.

John: It definitely parlays to my strengths of being anal-retentive.

Max: We both love Legos.

Mona: There’s no crying on the Amazing Race.

Phil: To the best of my memory, you’re the first team in Amazing Race history that has been eliminated with an Express pass on the mat.

John: I don’t se the value in looking back and experiencing regret over decisions we have no control over.

Order of Finish

1) David and Connor

2) Pamela and Winnie

3) Max and Katie

4) Caroline and Jennifer

5) Joey and Meghan

6) Mona and Beth

7) Anthony and Bates

8) Chuck and Wynona

9) Jessica and John