As candidates debate, another race comes to a close

Amazing Race, 31, Episodes 11 and 12

Netherlands/London/Detroit – I’m watching the start of an amazing race on NBC. Ten Democrat candidates for president all prepped and ready to go. 

Pretty soon, I know Phil Keoghan will come out and send the hopefuls to Dubai where they’ll shimmy down the tallest building in the world.

At the start of the race

The guy who looks like Tim Conway will lean upon his small business savvy. Some of the others will speak Spanish as they float to the ground. And in the end, one person will be eliminated, maybe that tall white-haired fellow from somewhere in the northwest.

But, wait a minute, Phil is over on CBS, ring-mastering the two-hour finale of the real Amazing Race, the marathon that started two months ago with 11 duos, all graduates of one reality show or another. I watch.

As always, only one team survived, only one team pocketed the $1 million. "And what team was that?" those of you who weren’t watching ask? 

OK, spoiler alert. Here’s what happened.

Four teams – Korey/Tyler, Christie/Colin, Jamal/Leo, Nicole/Victor – took off for London in Episode 11, the first hour of the show and the penultimate leg of the race. (Golly, isn’t “penultimate” a great word.)

Nicole Franzel and Victor Arroyo were the odd team out, as they came from Big Brother and the other three duos were veterans of the Amazing Race.

Victor rows

Because of this, the other kids were a little mean to them, not sharing info, that sort of thing. Maybe that was why Nic and Vic were eliminated. Or maybe it was that they lost too much time trying to row a two-person scull. Those boats are flimsy. Who knew? 

Big Brother’s loss was also Bob and Sandy Wilcox’s loss. It sent them out of the pool, out of the money. Bummer.

Three teams remained, flying to Detroit for Episode 12, the finale, closure at last.

Minor complaint: At no time did they face one of those season-ending memory challenges, the ones in which they have to arrange the flags of the countries they visited, or

Finish line hats

remember all the goofy or gorgeous costumed locals who stood on the finish-line mats with Phil. I live for those challenges. 

Still, the tests in Detroit were demanding, interesting, worthy of a finale. 

Right off the bat, Leo, Tyler and Colin found themselves being lowered head first from the top of very tall building. I couldn’t really watch, though the guys didn’t even seem all that scared. 

On the way down, there were numbers to be spotted, taken tougher the combination of some monstrous bank vaults. 

Jamal and Leo earlier in London

Leo Temory of the Afganimals, first to arrive at the vaults, was the last to leave, cracked by the safe cracking. It was as if he were back in junior high trying to open his locker for the first time. Make a mistake. Repeat the mistake. Again and again.

His cousin, Jamal Zadran, waited and waited, the game over for them and their pool backer Dennis Doell, who, nonetheless receives a consolation prize of $30.

Unlike Leo, the cool kids, Tyler and Colin, spun their dials, swung open the doors, left Leo back in the hall, on the floor bemoaning his fate, as they went on to fowling, a Detroit game I didn’t know existed in which you throw a football at some bowling pins. 

After that, there was vinyl record pressing and drum kit assembling. Then, whamo, the race was over.

So, who won and why?

Colin explains things to Phil

Life partners Christie Woods and Colin Guinn, finished first on the season, their victory sending $100 to their pool-backers, Emily Morgan and Drew Mokris. 

Colin saw the win as affirmation of a transformation that saw him go from angry man (Season 5) to Zen man in Season 31. He had a point. Rather than turn on Christie for her problems in Episode 11 (they almost lost because she couldn’t crack the Enigma code) he was supportive, encouraging. 

But, Christie deserved lots of credit for life-coaching him down from the ledge when he was getting beaten by the drums. “Take a breath. Take a breath,” she whispered, and so he did. 

It was -- I'm sure most of you

You're going to show Winky

made this connection -- akin to the inspirational moment in Best in Show when Cookie Fleck (Catherine O’Hara) tells her husband Gerry (Eugene Levy) that he’s going to show Winky. Here’s the clip.

I’m happy for C and C, but I'm sad for runners-up Korey Kuhl and Tyler Oakley. Boy, were they good, finishing first or second in seven of the 12 episodes. And they seemed like terrific guys, quick to laugh at themselves, never mean to the other contestants. (And they won $50 for poolsters Louise and Will Wadsworth of Team Walkworth.)

So was it a good season?

I thought it was. Good contestants, good challenges, terrific scenery. Though, I never found the guiding gimmick – a reality show faceoff – all that compelling. 

Who really cares if someone was on Big Brother or the Amazing Race?  But it did mean that the contestants were used to television’s demands, quick with the quips, ready to play to the camera.

Awards:

Least likeable: Hands down, Rachel Reilly, who partnered with her sister Elissa Slater and lasted for eight episodes. In real life, Rachel may be a sweetheart, but on the Race she was wonderfully scheming and snarky, a train wreck you had to watch.

Most likeable: Chris Hammonds and Brett LaBelle. A lawyer and a cop, they seemed challenged by many of the challenges, but they were funny and flippant, over-achievers with big hearts.

Best athlete: Becca Droz of Team Fun. Was there anything she couldn’t do?

Most valuable player: Korey Kuhl. He was a quick study, and a calm presence. And his tears at surviving to the finale seemed genuine and certainly well-earned.

Most missed: I certainly wish that Rupert Boneham, the bearded guy who went out early had lasted longer. He had a presence. He was fun. 

Best decision: CBS has announced that The Amazing Race has been renewed, though the date for its airing during the 2019-20 season hasn’t been set. As seems to be the norm, the show is essentially a substitute, off the bench when some other show stumbles.

Maybe Season 32 could feature castoffs from the Democratic primaries. You miss out on visiting every county in Iowa, but you do get to travel around the world and maybe win $1 million. All in all, not a bad deal.

Overheard, Episodes 11 and 12:

Victor: I don’t want to look in the Afghanimals’ direction.

Jamal: I want to buy a helicopter.

Leo: It sounds a little confusing because it was a little confusing.

Victor: (On the cab driver) We’re like, "What the heck is he talking about?"

Colin: I had to like stay in the flow and let our subconscious minds take over.

Leo: We went from being lion to little mice looking for cheese.

Tyler: We love shopping.

Korey: I’m just proud of us.

Victor: We did way better than we expected.

Nicole: I cried more on this show than I did on two seasons of Big Brother.

Colin: Last time we had youth on our side, this time we have wisdom.

Leo: We raced. We went on trains. We flew. We yelled, and now we’re coming back to you, America.

Jamal: This is the Super Bowl. This is game seven of the World Series.

Leo: I’m about to walk off a building for a million bucks.

Colin: We have eggs; we don’t have chickens. So, we’re not going to count them yet.

Order of finish Episode 11:

1) Jamal and Leo

2) Korey and Tyler

3) Christie and Colin

4) Nicole and Victor

Order of finish Episode 12

1) Christie and Colin

2) Korey and Tyler

3) Jamal and Leo

Team Fun lays an egg; the finale looms

Amazing Race, 31, Episode 10

Croatia/Amsterdam – We’ve all been there, done that. 

You go to Wegmans (the second time in a row this grocery giant has been mentioned in the blog. Really, I need a sponsor). 

Product placement

You buy a dozen eggs. You make it through self-checkout. (See last week’s Wegmans reference.)

And then you’re home and open the egg carton and…you guessed it, one of them is cracked.

That’s exactly what happened in Amsterdam to Team Fun (Becca Droz and Floyd Pierce) sans Wegmans in Episode 10. Thus, their hopes were scrambled, fried…save me from myself.

OK, here’s how it went down. The Funsters pole-vaulted across a ditch – how many times is that going to happen on the Race?  

Team Sad

They liberated a dozen eggs, took them to market, but one of their eggs was damaged, and they had to tandem back to the ditch, pole vault all over again. Time was lost; they were U-turned, finished fifth of five; Phil sent them home. (And sending Team RogShow out of the pool.)

Becca took it hard. She didn’t even smile when Phil, who is a hopeless sentimentalist, noted that the Race had given her Floyd. But, in true Team Fun fashion, she and Floyd rallied to rap their goodbyes. (I wonder if that gets old at family gatherings? Pass the cranberry sauce and please no rapping.)

So, as we approach the final episode, based on past performances, which team should win?

Not that past performance counts for all that much. The Fabulous Beekman Boys came out of nowhere to win Season 21. The only time they finished first in an episode was in the final episode. Miracles can happen.

Korey, Victor, Nicole, Tyler

Nonetheless, let’s crunch the numbers. Odds are that Tyler Oakley and Korey Kuhl will pocket the $1 million first prize. They had four first-place finishes before ending up second in Episode 10. Counting all their finishes, they have 29 points. (It’s like golf, low numbers are better than high numbers.)

Stats aside, the kind-hearted good friends have been the most quotable of the duos with the possible exception of the evil O’Reilly sisters. (Golly, do I miss them.)

But don’t put all your money on Tyler and Korey. 

Colin and Christie, pedal to the metal

Life partners Colin Guinn and Christie Woods finished first in the Amsterdam episode, tandem biking with aplomb, pulling a cow replica up a tower (what was that all about?), roping some boats together on a canal. On the season, they are at 31 points, a terrific showing. 

Beyond that, C and C work well together in contrast to their last Race outing, a food fight that has been well-documented.

Farther back in the pack are Victor Arroyo and Nicole Franzel at 36 points. Survivor survivors, they survived being U-turned by the Afghanimals – more about that in a minute – and finished fourth, a step or two ahead of Team Fun. 

I worry about Nicole. Usually, she doesn’t do a lot, and, because it was her birthday, she seemed to do even less in Episode 10. Victor peddled the tandem bike, hoisted the cow, pole vaulted with ease (thanks to past life experience.) 

Vic doesn’t seem to mind, mostly because he’s gaga over Nic. And they are racing for reality show bragging rights, as they are the only non-Amazing alums left. 

Leo, cow, Jamal

The Afghanimals, Leo Temory and Jamal Zadran, are the longest of long shots.

After a good first two episodes, they’ve wavered between mediocre and awful. They’re at 47 points, far behind the rest of the field. 

And, I’ll say, it, they've been jerks, especially Jamal. I liked them on Season 23, but this time around they just seem to be mean, quick to laugh at the other teams.

Jamal cooked up a strange vendetta against Nicole and Victor, gleefully U-turning them as a birthday present to Nicole. It was disturbing. (I know. I want some good old-fashioned nastiness, and when I get it I cringe.)

Clash of the titans

I suspect the finale will feature some jumps from skyscrapers and oxen driving down Fifth Avenue and a memory test, but why not dodgeball?

Just about everyone in the free world has seen the titanic dodgeball clash between Team USA led by Michelle Obama and Team UK captained by James Corden channeling Ricky Gervais. Click here for the video.

There was athleticism (at least on the part of the Yanks) and trash talking, suitable ceremony and Benedict Cumberbatch in an unfortunate brush cut.

Really, Phil, dodgeball. Its time has come.

Overheard:

Floyd: We’re learning we are very different people who get along really well.

Korey: The rhythm we finally got into was me pedaling and Tyler not pedaling.

Christie: Colin pretty much pulled that cow up by himself. …  I’m just glad it wasn’t a real cow.

Nicole:  Nobody better U-turn me on my birthday.

Becca:  It is a complete moment of loss. I have no idea why we didn’t check those eggs. … I’m pissed.

Tyler:  Oh my god, boys with beers.

Nicole:  If I see Team Fun, I’m going to crap myself.

Becca: Chugga, chugga, choo choo to the lake.

Floyd: Land ho Team fun. Land ho.

Order of finish:

1) Christie and Colin

2) Tyler and Korey

3) Leo and Jamal

4) Nicole and Victor

5) Becca and Floyd

Along for the Ride on the Amazing Race

Amazing Race, 31, Episode 9

Switzerland/Croatia – First the good news. The Travelocity gnome – actually six Travelocity gnomes – survived all sorts of challenges.

The perky champion of product placement tagged along in Split, Coatia. He was, in host Phil Keoghan’s words, the racers'

The gnome finishes (with Nicole and Victor)

travel partner. Thus, the gnome sort of rock-climbed up a monastery wall to fetch a clue. He watched snorkeling and water-tube riding. He was everywhere.

Tyler Oakley and Korey Kuhl embraced their gnome, teased their gnome, won with their gnome, their fourth first-place finish in a row.

It wasn’t all wine and roses for the gnome. There was a dark moment when he was left behind by life partners Colin and Christie. 

His anger issues long resolved, Colin didn’t flip out. He and Christie simply cabbed back, scooped up their gnome, stayed in the race.

The bad news

Team Bromance, the hugely likeable wisecracking duo of Chris Hammons and Bret LaBelle, graduates of Survivor, was eliminated.

Bromance finishes

Bromance took Team Boston of this pool along with them and left only one duo, Victor Arroyo and Nicole Franzel of Big Brother, that isn’t made up of Amazing Race alums.

At a Detour, the Bros chose to do a snorkeling challenge – find five coins and a goblet in the water. Too hard. 

They switched to the poetry challenge – memorize a longish poem while bumping along in an inner tube. Too hard. 

They went back to the coins, then back to the poetry, and, oh heavens, make up your mind.

Come fly with me

The episode was so gnomic that you felt like firing up the Travelocity app, booking a trip.

Though, oddly, the racers, perhaps deprived of smartphones, got their flights the old-fashioned way, pleading with airline reps and travel agents.

“I will name my daughter after you and my wife after your,” Leo Temory of the Afghanimals promised one Swiss flight booker. “I won’t get married until I find someone named you.”

She laughed. Put him on a later flight. Not to worry, the Afghanimals, not the dominant team they once were, survived, barely. Their days may be numbered.

Sweetness and light

I’d like to say that nice guys finish last, which was the case, but that would have been said of any of the teams. Absent Rachel Reilly, there are no villains left. Who’s to hate?

Perhaps because the teams actually like each other, there was some significant cooperation in Split. Four of the five surviving teams gained advantage by joining forces on a memory challenge. (Follow the shifting and disappearing Roman soldiers; say where some of them went. You had to be there.)

On his own

A senator gives Floyd good news

Floyd Pierce, part of Team Fun with Becca Droz, didn’t need any help to track the tricky soldeiers. The former drum major drew upon his experience. “I’m a marching band geek,” he said with pride.

On further review

Early on, Team Fun seemed to be Team Rude, cutting in line at the airport and acing out Nic and Vic, who were as peeved as they ever get, which is not a whole lot. 

Besides, forced to go standby – they actually got a flight that put them ahead of Team Fun – karma city.

I’ve replayed the airport incident, and I can’t find the Funsters at fault. 

Let’s say you’re in line at Wegmans; you see an opening at another line. Do you survey all the other customers? No, you make your move.

Or maybe you go to self-checkout. Newly installed at the Geneseo Wegmans, self-checkout is killing me. I don’t know where to put my bag. I punch the wrong icons. The attendant comes over, calls me "sir," in her best "we can get through this voice,” checks me out.

Thinking of ice cream

A new Blizzard

A lot of you (OK, at least one of you) wondered why this blog hasn’t featured another clip of the great Parker Posey. Satisfying that demand, click here to see her as Libby Mae Brown in Waiting for Guffman. 

Overheard

Korey:  Croatia? I hardly know her.

Nicole (on airport woes): My heart is broken.

Tyler:  Holy macaroni.

Bret: This is almost impossible. I should have stayed drinking with those guys. That’s what I should have done.

Colin: We’re water people.

Floyd: Having a big picture perspective was really helpful.

Bret: Croatia kicked our buts.

Chris: But the bromance is still going.

Bret: The bromance is excited for some beers.

Order of finish:

1) Tyler and Korey

2) Nicole and Victor

3) Becca and Floyd

4) Christie and Colin

5) Leo and Jamal

6) Bret and Chris

Gone by popular demand, but...

Amazing Race, 31, Episode 8

Switzerland – Be careful what you wish for.

With the departure of the sisters Elissa Slater and Rachel

The winners of Episode 8

Reilly, all the teams are likable, perhaps especially Korey Kuhl and Tyler Oakley, who finished first for the third episode in a row.

The bad news for reality TV, a genre that loves conflict, is that all the teams are likeable.

We’ll see whether the race can survive a villain gap, but just as a reminder of the bad/good old days, click here for scenes of pre-Zen Colin struggling with a broken ox in

Season 5 of the Race.

The bad old days

By the numbers:

Rachel appeared in her 32^nd episode of the Race, more than any previous competitor.

The record is a tribute to her skills, skills that were sometime masked by her meltdowns.

And credit the producers who keep asking her back. I assume we’ll see her again.

Cast your ballot

There was cow decorating, hay cutting and bow shooting, but the best moment in the episode was the tribal council sort of gathering where host Phil Keoghan got the racers together and had them choose – “Out Loud!” – two of the teams to take on an extra challenge, a dreaded double U-Turn.

“Not since 2016 has there been such a big vote,” Korey

Rachel and Elissa at the end

noted, shrugging off the importance of the 2018 midterms.

The electoral process left the team of Colin Guinn and Christie Woods and the duo of Rachel and Elissa facing an extra challenge. 

Colin and Christie were chosen because they’re good and a threat to the other teams. Rachel and Elissa were chosen, because, well, they weren’t well-liked.

“They’re the ones we’re least closest to,” explained Chris Hammons, who referred to Rachel and Elissa as the O’Reillys even though that isn’t quite their name.

Show downs

For those of you keeping score at home, four of the six

Floyd, Becca, Colin Chrisie

remaining duos are Amazing Race alums (Korey and Tyler; Colin and Christie; Leo Temory and Jamal Zadran, and Becca Droz and Floyd Pierce).

One Big Brother team (Victor Arroyo and Nicole Franzel) is still racing, as is one Survivor team (Bret and Chris.)

Survivor reps have had the worst survival rate; only one of their original four teams continues.

Misdirection

Even though they had to do an extra challenge, the O’Reillys came close to surviving because the Afghanimals, Leo and Jamal, got lost.

“Probably the other teams got maps and we didn’t,” Jamal theorized.

Still, he proved to be marginally better with a crossbow than Rachel, hitting the apple before she did. Thus the O'Reillys departed, taking Allison Chanler from the pool along with them.

No more second chances

Before the episode ended, Phil announced that there would be no more non-elimination episodes. I can’t remember him ever closing the door in this fashion. Tough love, I guess.

Overheard:

Tyler:  We don’t get distracted whether it’s drama from other teams...or people hating each other.

Chris: We’re used to this being excluded by the O’Reillys….Bret and I don’t have enough Instagram followers.

Bret:  I couldn’t tell you anything about the O’Reillys except that they have long eyelashes and they like to fix them every five minutes.

Christie: I understand what people are doing, what they got to do to stay in the race.

Floyd:  Becca is crushing this. She’s a farmer. Old McBecca had a farm.

Rachel: We learned a little secret about how you control your cow;  you grab its tail, and you steer it.

Colin: There were definitely thoughts that my cow was broken.

Christie: This is a roadblock made for Colin.

Floyd: Every roadblock is made for Colin.

Tyler: You really stirred the pot, Phil.

Jamal: Game on, gloves are off, let’s go ahead and battle it out, may the best team win.

Elissa:  We have healthy babies; we got to do the race together.

Rachel:  I’ve done so many things on 32 legs of the Amazing Race.